A few days ago, my boyf posted on his IG story about me told him some rules when we got married. In that video, i said “it’s not my responsibility to do all the house-cleaning and cooking when i’m tired”. And there are some comment that said “it’s actually my responsibility to do it as a wife”.
I watched a movie on Netflix called “Why Women Paid Less Than a Man”. In that movie, they explain on how a women can’t improve their carrier because they have more responsibility at home (such as taking care the kids, doing some extra jobs, etc). Meanwhile man who is married has a bigger carrier opportunity because they have “family motivation”, means they are more motivated to get more money for their family. And another thing that in this movie concern is about women who always has more jobs to do than man but paid less than a man. By more jobs means they have a work at office and also do all these house-work things (house-cleaning, taking care kids, etc).
For me personally, i think all these house-working things is not only women’s responsibility in household. Marriage takes two partner to helping each other in order to make this little family happy. For me, there’s no “wife’s jobs” or “husband’s job“. All things that related to family is both responsibility as a life-time partner. But again, yes, this stereotype and society rules is sometimes different with my personal thought. And this stereotype about women must do all these house-work stuffs is sometimes harm women’s side.
Take this story as an example.
First you’re a free woman. You can go anywhere you want, you can make friends with everybody, and you even can have your dream job! Then you get married with someone who you truly love. Since you got married, your husband has an expectation that you’ll be taking care of him. Means your husband wants you to pampering him, do stuffs that he ask, etc. He ask you to quit your job and start focusing on him. And suddenly your husband has an affair with other women and he said that you’re not giving much attention to him. You tell people your husband is cheating on you. But people will think that you’re not doing enough for him and you should be patient. They ask you to pay more attention to him.
After a few months or maybe years later, you got pregnant. Those uncomfortable situation that you must held in 9 months. But in the mean time you feel really excited because you’re having a baby! You carry them carefully, makesure they’re healthy enough, and anything you can do as long as the baby is healthy and happy. After 9 months of pregnancy, you give birth. You let the baby going out from you little tiny hole and it feels really hurt. But once again, if your baby is not fat enough or not healthy enough, yes, society will blame you again, ladies.
And now you have a baby 🙂 you’re so happy to finally meet them in this world. You carry them with much love, you breast feeding them everytime they’re hungry (eventhough sometimes it hurts your nipples), you sing them a song when they’re crying, and even you change their smelly dirty diapers. Oh don’t forget, you still have a husband who also needs your love and attention. Yes, you’re taking care 2 person now. And…. again, if your baby has not a significant progress as a baby and your husband think you’re don’t care with him, society will blame you again.
Not only that. After a long marriage, suddenly you’re broke. Your husband get fired and unemployed now. He ask you to work. Your office hour is from 9 a.m to 6 p.m. But your husband have no idea how to take care your kid. He ask you to take them to your mom’s house so they can taking care your kid while you’re working. After working hours, you pick up your kid at mom’s house. At home you’re cooking, cleaning, and do all those house-works. You got tired but you still have lots of works to do. But something’s wrong with your family! You’re not giving much attention to them. Your husband feels lonely and you don’t know your kid’s progress. Well, you got blame again from society from being too busy at work.
In reality, society has a really high standard on women as a mom/wife. They “want” women to be best in everything. And when this women not giving what they call “best”, they will get blame for everything she do. I’m not a feminist tho, but this issue is often pop on my mind and this issue is also happen in my real life. As a mom/wife, i know they want the best for their family. But they also have a limit on their body and mind. They take all these things as their responsibility and still get blame when they’re not doing enough. This is why fairness in marriage is important and need to be talked before you get married. These home-cleaning thing is not only women’s responsibility, but also man. Taking care of kid (like changing diapers, carry them when crying, etc) is also not only women’s responsibility, but also man. When we, as a future mom, need to learn on how to take care a baby, you, as a future dad, is also need to learn. Besides all these home responsibilities, we – as a women – should also be more independent in everything. Don’t be a clingy women who always rely on your husband. I know every women is smart and strong. When you want to have a great carrier like your husband, reach it. When you want to have your own investment, buy it. Or maybe you want to be always beside your kid, then do it. Make your own decision in your life. Just enjoy your day as what you wanted to be.
“I know every women in this world wants the best for their family. But they also have a different way to do it. There’s no right and wrong. And there’s no rules on how women should behave on their family.”